Feelings towards maternity leave

Quite suddenly yesterday, I realized I was pretty much on maternity leave. I had a meeting at the university, and found that my replacement is quite competently handling the work I had left to do this year (which is a huge relief). Everyone wished me well as I left, and my boss walked me out to the car as we wrapped everything up. He said, "Well keep in touch, we want to keep you involved. What did you have in mind - maybe thinking about it again after a month?" In my head my response was "What the hell, I know you have kids, have you forgotten what state a newborn can put you in, even a whole month after birth?" but I just smiled and said maybe after 3-4 months I would be able to respond to emails on a more regular basis, but that I was going to play it by ear otherwise.

I got home though and felt a bit shocked. Except for some minor mapping work I have to do, I am finished work. I moped around the house a bit wondering now what I was going to do without work to keep me busy? It probably doesn't help that Mr W is away welding, because he always has ideas of things to do. But I was surprised at my reaction - a feeling of almost panic set in, as I was faced with days to fill with non-work related projects.

I know that I will be busy once the baby comes, it is just this interim stage where I am lower on energy, less mobile, and have been working my heart out for several years building my business. It has dredged up some feelings of inadequacy, and I started thinking of all the things I should have done to further the business along, as well as promote my career academically.

This morning to get over this all I made a list of everything I would like to have done around the house and in the garden before baby comes. I guess this is my nesting list :) It is pretty long you know, and I no longer feel that I need to worry about being bored. In fact, I was tired, so I brought the computer back to bed to write this blog post.

And as I write, I realize I should be celebrating. One reason I started working for myself was to make sure I had sufficient time and financial resources to have a child. I have reached that goal, I have enough savings to pay myself maternity leave, and Mr W and I have paid off our debts so we can live off my reduced income. Woohoo! Maybe it is now time for a nap....

1 Comment:

  1. Four Pillars said...
    Congrats on the mat leave.

    Just do things you want to do - once that kid comes, you are on his/her schedule and will never again (for a while) be able to do what you want to do.

    Do what you want!

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