grief is a sneaky thing

Grief is a sneaky thing. I think  I am ok and then it taps me on the shoulder in the middle of going about my life, and I am helpless to do anything but feel. Mahone died six days ago. I hated having to make that call but he was so sick. He wasn't my buddy anymore. I thought I had started the grieving process, but really you can't when someone is there, you can only buffer yourself in order to be able to make the decision you need to. I have a cold empty spot in my stomach that just aches for my good buddy dog. That dog drove me nuts at least once a day but he was so full of life and energy that I too couldn't help being better off because of it. If he was here he would be by my side because I am crying so much. He was always there. We had some tough times he and I, and there are things I wish I could have done better for him - trained him better, paid more attention to him, brushed him more often, took him more walks. When I told Dad last week I was going to have to put Mahone down he kept saying "It's for the best, he is just a dog" all the while crying right along with me. You know in your head that dogs have a short life span, but there is grief just the same.
And because he was a dog I feel I should be able to move on, but there you go, in the middle of a sunny, kid filled, energy filled day I was struck down with sadness so powerful I can do nothing but cry. It sucks.


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